January 2008
5 tags
Tastless Rape Jokes
Friend1: Rape can happen when you least expect it, like at your great uncle's nursing home Christmas party. Which is why I'm not allowed at that nursing home any more.
Hez: that's probably for the best
Hez: It can happen on a train, it can happen in the rain. It can happen when you're vain, it can happen when you're plain.
Friend2: hahaha brilliant
Friend1: Rape can happen in a house, it can happen with a mouse. Rape can happen here or there, rape can happen anywhere.
Hez: Wow, I think I just wrote "Rape For Kids"!
Friend2: Rape can happen on a boat, rape can happen with a goat. Rape can sometimes get you laid, rape can even give you AIDS
Friend1: Please hold, looking for the entire text of Green Eggs and Ham
Hez: It CAN'T happen with a mouse or a goat. Cheap rhymes don't cut it in the dog-eat-dog world of kid logic.
Hez: I was making mine up off the dome. If you can't bring it, leave it on the curb for recycling.
Friend2: WTF? I rape goats all the time.
Friend1: Goats are highly rapable.
Friend2: Mice, though, I agree that's ridiculous.
Friend1: If I was in the audience of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, I would lie when they asked the audience.
Hez: Gawker. Home to goat rapers
Friend1: You can rape a mouse. Mice are surprisingly flexible
Hez: I would rape the audience of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire
Friend1: I would rape Regis.
Friend2: I have friend who was the audience coordinator of that show. We could make it happen.
Friend1: Wait, he isn't hosting that anymore. Now it's Meredith. Tell your friend to just let me and my friends in. We're gonna make them lose.
Friend2: We'll just prop some chairs against the door and you can rape away.
Hez: I'm a pretty fast raper, they won't have to wait long
Friend1: OMG THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE CORNIEST COMMERCIAL EVAR. Here, I'm going to transcribe it to you
Hez: i thought it was pretty clever, if a little rapey. Oh, i thought you meant us.
Friend1: It's not quite the same without the terrible actors delivering their lines, but still.
Friend2: hahahha, pretty fast raper
Friend1: K, picture a pretty lady and a handsome Hair Club For Men customer standing in a field.
Hez: "ER" is so much better than "IST"
Friend1: "Excuse me, ma'am, do you mind if we ask, what do you love?" "
Friend2: rape!
Friend1: "Oooh, I love... telling the same old stories with friends, spending time with family over the holidays, and when it comes to shopping, I LOVE a great deal."
Friend2: who doesn't?!
Hez: And rape parties, like they used to do them in the olden days. Rape doilies, rape dishes, everything was special
Friend1: "Well, at Ashley home furniture stores, we love what you love. We love friends, we love holidays, and we love giving customers great deals!"
Friend2: I'm wearing my Sunday rapiest
Hez: hahahahaha
Friend1: This reminds me of that Family Guy episode where Lois looks in that hundred year old textbook and reads the chapter heading, "Negroes: America's Dancin'est Rape-Folk."
Hez: Just go to that new bar, I think it's called The Rapery?
Friend1: Hez, No, you're thinking of the Rapenasium.
Friend2: The Raper Room?
Friend1: Or is that the Rapeateria?
Friend3: this is the funniest stuff i have ever read in my life i hope someone is writing all this down
Friend2: Datrapia?
Friend1: LOL
Friend2: Rapey's Watering Hole. McRapeins.
Friend1: Rapin' Larry's Family Rape Jamboree
Hez: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH McRapeins!!!!!!!!!
Friend2: O'Rapeys
Hez: Rapetorium
Friend2: The Rapegoat
Friend1: Rapin' Beatrice's Quick Draw Saloon
Friend2: Be sure to order a rapetini!
Friend1: I prefer the rapemopolitan. Or the Mohirape.
Friend2: How about a margarapea?
Hez: I hear there's a new industrial place opening called R4P3
Friend1: I'll just take a shot of gRape Pucker
Friend2: or a Nonconsensual Sex on the Beach
Friend1: OMG, LOL
Hez: Omg, my favourite bar - change a few letters: The Rapeway Club
* Friend4 joins Main room
Hez: [Friend4], jesus we had to start the rape party without you!
Friend1: Nonconsensual Sex on the Beach wins the commie
Friend2: You don't even have to change the name of the "Screaming Orgasm"
Friend2: YES! My fourth commie!
Friend4: Guess so!
Hez: Hey, this is my chatroom I say who wins the commies, and so far I am in the lead
Friend1: Hez, Just hand them out, Oprah style. You get a commie! And you get a commie!
Friend2: fuck you Hez
Hez: actually no, I am just going to keep them all and give each of you a coupon for a free rape
Friend2: you're still on rape-y bar names. We're in the new world of rape cocktails
Friend1: I'll just have a Rum and Rape, please
Hez: How about a shot bar called Roofies & Rapes!
Friend2: Rape straight up
Friend1: Or Rape and Coke. Rape on the rocks
Friend2: Coyote Roofie. Just a twist of rape for me
Hez: I don't want regular bar rape, I want premium rape, please
Friend1: Top shelf rape
Friend2: haha top shelf rape! oh damn
Friend1: Ha! You just lost a commie. it all tastes the same to me
Hez: a pitcher of rape!
Friend1: Cheap rape gets you there quicker, cheaper
Friend2: I don't know, do you think there will be enough rape to go around?\
Hez: and a whole bunch of dirty glasses
Friend2: maybe we should order two pitchers
Hez: we can always order more rape
Friend2: I hate to run out
Hez: THIS RAPE IS FLAT! Waitress?!!
Friend1: Oh, fuck you, [Friend2].
Friend2: wait, what?
Friend1: Oh, I thought you were leaving.
Friend2: haha I hate to run out... OF RAPE
Friend1: Where is [Friend4]?
Hez: No love for THIS RAPE IS FLAT!? What are you people, made of rape?
Friend2: I just had 10,000 rape babies.
Friend1: [Friend2], what a coincidence. I just raped 10,000 babies.
Friend2: This is my favorite conversation ever.
Shit got all fucksy. I’m hiding out here. Let me know when it’s over.