Stretch Out And Wait
Larissa: i went for dinner with my brother and his girlfriend, and they told me about this couple they know that had a 9 foot python they'd raised since it was a baby snake.
it had the run of the house
me: egad
Larissa: it hadn't eaten in a long time.
she was concerned, as weeks went by and the snake didn't eat.
she called the vet, who said not to worry, they do that.
especially as they get older.
so one morning
she woke up, and ths snake was stretched out next to the bed, stiff as a board.
completely rigid.
so, once again she called the vet.
who told her to get out of the house, and take every living thing with her.
because- this is the fun part!
Snakey boy was MEASURING her!!
That's what they do- they stretch out next to their prey.
He was SEEING IF SHE'D FIT!
so all the time, she was concerned about the poor baby's health, etc- he was PLANNING for WEEKS to TRY AND EAT HER
i laughed so, so hard
me: OH MY GOD
that's terrifying!
Larissa: right?
totally
me: Jesusfuck!!!
Larissa: but it's also pretty funny
when i thought about it
that's what you get
for thinking the snake's feelings are mutual
Jan 16th