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Unbelievably, this January 8th marks 5 years since my mom’s passing.

Sandy (pictured above in one of our last photos together) was an exceptional human being whose gifts to me I will forever cherish. A blue-eyed, dimpled, self-confessed cheesebag who got verklemt when people sang O Canada really loudly, my mother’s legacy resonates throughout the softer side of my personality (especially the musical and artistic side), and permeates my daily life, both with her trademark schmaltzy tears and other gratifying complications that shall doubtless be played out over the years to come. 

In life, especially towards the end of hers, we clashed (as one does with one’s mother), and I learned to be not just okay with that, but to celebrate both our imperfections and our difficulties with each other. We had some honest, ongoing struggles to understand each other, but her death was a (the?) turning point in my life, one I’m still processing even after all this time. Ultimately, though, her joy in being the most superb mom to me and my brother, and eventually, in being the woman she wanted to be is incredibly inspirational to me, especially as I imagine the personal milestones and obstacles she’d experienced at the age I am now.

Whether it’s a memory of her favourite Broadway musical that turns from a buried memory into a stellar karaoke song for me, or a zillion other exquisite moments unfolding, whether I’m on a traditional path or just chillin on my own terms with my nephbro Jackson (whom she never got to meet, but was named for her beloved brother who predeceased her), I’m strengthened by the fact that her best qualities glow within me like fireflies in a jar.

I don’t ‘do’ New Year’s Resolutions, but I do always try to mark this special day by redoubling my efforts to champion the creative impulses and gentle benevolence my mother embodied… with a healthy dollop of Hezitude to keep it all in balance.

Written on her headstone, the truest words to live by I know… 

“Life is short, so live it wide…”