Last night I narrowly avoided running into
someone a huge douche it was my misfortune to be roommates with for a month a while back (long story, requires wine & weed if you want to hear it) and woke up kind of wishing I had stepped to him and unleashed the unholy Hezfire. (Thinking I would have led with “Oh hai! I totally expected you to be back in jail by now!” and ended with “Boil your fucking ass of a face, you pathetic, chain-smoking shitnugget.” Feels great just to type that.)
The moral of this (and every) story: NEVER TRUST A GROWN MAN WHO DRINKS SUNNY D.