Baisers volés (Stolen Kisses), François Truffaut, 1968
GPOY. (Sometimes I want to know, and sometimes I think “fuck them! Who cares what they think.”)
Don’t worry Zooey honey, it’s not as bad as all that. At least we both have a drink already!
Sunset, fresh flowers, happy beaglefriend, wine in fridge, herb roasted chicken & veg, weed in bowl, Aziz Ansari special purchased - #IAmMyOwnBoyfriend
I SAID YES*!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
*…to getting these old diamond rings of my grandmother’s repaired so I can wear them and not have to wait for some damn DUDE to put something sparkly on my finger!!!
When the sight of some cute dog makes you all soft-hearted and seasonally apologetic and you’re about to say sorry to the “internet boyfriend” you were kind of cunty to a few months ago because he never seemed to have any time to flirtchat anymore…
And then you notice his tweets about his GIRLFRIEND.
So yeah… fuck you, buddy… I meant every nasty word.
1. Make flirty with internet person(s)!
2. Find lots in common with internet person(s)!
3. Tell internet person(s) you might have ladyfeelings happening towards them!
4. Learn to parse sound of tumbleweeds!
5. Congratulations! Enjoy being awesome*!
(*Did I say awesome? I meant “ughsome.”)
HEZ PRO-TIP: For maximum effectiveness, make sure you’re 42 and single!
Facebook sure does think I want to be friends with a lot of new babydaddies. Or maybe a lot of new babydaddies are bored and butt-sniffing the single FB gals during their paternity leave? Either way, no thanks.
Here’s an idea: instead of blasting the evidence of your sperm’s potency at my virtual ovaries with your arty black and white “serene babydaddy” profile picture, how about you GO CHANGE A DIAPER AND LEAVE MY HOT SINGLE ASS ALONE.
(Source: p0is0n0usbl00d)
Newsworthy for my single friends: Boyfriend Arm Pillows. Exist and are on sale for $21.49. Not so Newsworthy to my married friends: There is no Husband Arm Pillow. Relax.. you already have a ring.
Yeesh. Even pillows suck at commitment.
If you aren’t talking to me like that, remind me again WHY I AM STILL TALKING TO YOU?
If you’re in a rush, start around the 11 minute mark…
(He might not have got her, but he sure as hell got me.)
The scene where Louie tells Pamela how he really feels.
No makeup, PJs covered in chicken curry stains, drinking wine, watching History Channel & internetting on a Saturday night. Why yes, I am single!