Today’s spirit animal is this stone cold addict jonesing for unique, quality curtains at a bargain price. What she has found (close to her home? Worth the trip? These are quibbles! JUST GO!) is so beauuuuuuuutiful she must occasionally reveal it to us in hushed, conspiratorial tones.
Sadly, I regret to inform viewers of this masterpiece that, following a little detective work by one of my FTS colleagues, it would seem her one request of this store was most cruelly and bitterly denied. Where now will her daughters (presumably still being harangued about their deeply offensive life choices involving vertical blinds) shop, and everyone else that flocked to her home, agog at her near superhuman ability to lay her hands on the finest man-made drapery panels ever assembled for less than ten dollars?
And with that injustice bringing a cheap and tawdry curtain down over this dazzlingly accessorized window-covering enthusiast, I declare that the entire Rhode Island Drapery Vending Community is dead to me.
H/T to iamsosorry for this precious jewel I will cherish for years to come.
“Arguably, BC is better off without a rogue Anglican commandeering his own police force, naked zealots burning their houses and the reincarnation of Osiris hoarding gold on a Gulf Island. But it doesn’t seem quite as interesting.”
“While I’m generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I have never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I’m in a monogamous relationship and very happy. Twitter should ban my mother.”
Bill Nye, the harmless children’s edu-tainer known as “The Science Guy,” managed to offend a select group of adults in Waco, Texas at a presentation, when he suggested that the moon does not emit light, but instead reflects the light of the sun.
As even most elementary-school graduates know, the moon reflects the light of the sun but produces no light of its own.
But don’t tell that to the good people of Waco, who were “visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence,” according to the Waco Tribune.
Nye was in town to participate in McLennan Community College’s Distinguished Lecture Series. He gave two lectures on such unfunny and adult topics as global warming, Mars exploration, and energy consumption.
But nothing got people as riled as when he brought up Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”
The lesser light, he pointed out, is not a light at all, but only a reflector.
At this point, several people in the audience stormed out in fury. One woman yelled “We believe in God!” and left with three children, thus ensuring that people across America would read about the incident and conclude that Waco is as nutty as they’d always suspected.
I suppose there is one level on which this vaguely makes sense, given that little kids are the only people on earth not sick to the point of Ebola from hearing about this batshit crazy, media whoring fucktard.
(But really, wasn’t a spritzer of hydrochloric acid available? They couldn’t have looked THAT hard.)