|—||Today, Mitt Romney Lost the Election - Bloomberg (via wilwheaton)|
Last night I narrowly avoided running into
someone a huge douche it was my misfortune to be roommates with for a month a while back (long story, requires wine & weed if you want to hear it) and woke up kind of wishing I had stepped to him and unleashed the unholy Hezfire. (Thinking I would have led with “Oh hai! I totally expected you to be back in jail by now!” and ended with “Boil your fucking ass of a face, you pathetic, chain-smoking shitnugget.” Feels great just to type that.)
The moral of this (and every) story: NEVER TRUST A GROWN MAN WHO DRINKS SUNNY D.
When the sight of some cute dog makes you all soft-hearted and seasonally apologetic and you’re about to say sorry to the “internet boyfriend” you were kind of cunty to a few months ago because he never seemed to have any time to flirtchat anymore…
And then you notice his tweets about his GIRLFRIEND.
So yeah… fuck you, buddy… I meant every nasty word.
Fieri’s concession stands—the full name was “Guy Fieri’s Ballpark Food With Balls By Guy Fieri”—were open for only a few months, and I never got to taste the food. As a condition of Fieri’s departure, several drums of Tex Wasabi Kickin’ Dippin-aise, Do U BBQ Dippin-aise and Rockin’ Horse-Ranch Dippin-aise were destroyed, and 5,000 Fieri bobbleheads, initially part of a planned fan giveaway, were sent back to the manufacturer, where they were reportedly altered slightly and sold as Shaggy 2 Dope bobbleheads at the 2010 Gathering of the Juggalos.
My discussions with the fans and employees who tasted and produced the food revealed a general consensus that—with the exception of the Whoa Whoa Avocado Margarita, which former Padres outfielder Brian Giles described as “fucking toxic”—the food was actually better than it looks in print. Fieri, though, was far more closely involved with the implementation and day-to-day operation than anticipated. He was also something of a taskmaster. “He was at the stadium in I think it was a series against the Marlins,” a former Guy Fieri’s Ballpark Food With Balls employee named Ernesto told me. “Guy was partying with Jon Gosselin, Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC and Representative (Brian) Bilbray. They were all behind the counter and I guess they were pretty drunk and Guy was on his longboard, just going down the line and yelling at everyone. And his sunglasses I guess fell off the back of his head and into one of the fryers? And the health code says you have to shut the fryers down when that happens, but he told us to keep cooking and that one of us was going to have to get him new Oakleys. And that day I was just like, they are not paying me enough, dude. And the next day I told my boss I wanted to work the Dippin’ Dots cart or I was fucking done.””
|—||David Roth, Snacking About Baseball: Foodstuffs Of The Major League Parks (via dailybunch)|