WE GET IT!!! YOU WERE PERFECT FOR ME!
I just found a super cheap flight from Seattle to NYC…
… A super cheap flight I will still never be able to afford.
$291 may as well be $2,910 or $29,100 at this point.
Fuck my ass of a life in the ass.
Is realizing that because you misinterpreted your contract, your invoice was fucked up.
Because your invoice was fucked up, you’re not getting paid on time, and you could only bill for half of what you thought you could.
Because you’re not getting paid on time and you could only bill for half of what you thought you could, your long-overdue bills are about to head into the emergency red zone where authorities are involved.
Because your long-overdue bills are about to head into the emergency red zone where authorities are involved, you can’t afford even the basic necessities of life.
Because you can’t afford even the basic necessities of life, you’ll never save money.
Because you’ll never save money, you’ll never ever ever ever get out of the fucking reeking pile of mess your life is in, and you’ll certainly never afford to get to New York again.
HAVE A GREAT LONG WEEKEND EVERYBODY! Enjoy all the things you are buying at the places you can afford to go!
Is that you get the same amount of nothing done whether Tumblr is up or down. And for exactly the same wages!
And my ovaries and I just watched a reality show featuring The Judds on the Oprah Network.
I don’t even have cats, people.
Or is it all too real for the rest of you to hear about that little sliver of the population here that can’t even afford basic necessities?
Please, don’t let me interrupt the flow of your acquisitiveness… I do so want to hear about all the shiny, shiny things you can buy without the slightest economic hardship, especially when they replace last year’s perfectly functioning shiny, shiny things that you also didn’t need but just had to have. TELL ME MORE.
Maybe I should start a fake Tumblr called “LOOK ALL MAH MONEY” just so I can feel “normal.”
The entire internet is tiresomely licking its iPad2 balls.
I’m really glad I have that Valium someone gave me the other night.
That’s my tombstone right there, folks.
Related: please kill me now.
After a conversation in which one of my most successful writer friends asked why I don’t just get a job at Starbucks, I realize I’m forced to consider some heretofore slightly unpalatable options if I want to not starve or live out of a storage locker. (If you have any offers or suggestions for me, NOW IS THE TIME!)
One of the jobs I saw advertised the other day involves a startup online dating company. The job description involves interviewing dudes, blogging about dating and basically leveraging my decades of insightful choosiness (we’re just going to call it that, okay?) to help other ladies.
Am I going to regret applying for this?
UPDATE: Just having a conversation with another ex of mine (who will be eloping to Spain with his fiancée this spring) who actually suggested another idea for a website… and wants to fund it for me. Maybe I might just change the ratio after all… How crazy is that?