That’s my tombstone right there, folks.
Related: please kill me now.
Can a NYT trend piece be far behind?
(SRSLY Tumblr, RELAX. NOT “EVERYONE” is eating burgers. Maybe like 3 people… people I don’t follow anymore. And this is part of why.)
Can we please agree right now that THE ONLY PEOPLE who should be allowed to be pissy about Valentine’s Day are PEOPLE WITHOUT PARTNERS? All you married people and people with long term lovahs, stop muddying the waters of my disenchantment by playing at being all grouchy about it! Why you gotta co-opt my hate-on when you’ve got a squeeze and I don’t? I guaranfuckingtee you you’re never going to be as pissed about the whole sitch as my spinster ass is. I will win that Bitter-Off.
I’m sorry if you don’t like the day and its concomitant gift-buying foolishness, but if you have a partner, you have already won Valentine’s Day and thus, your complaints always fall into the “it’s all commercial bullshit” vein (a criticism that has clearly just been recycled from Christmas), not the true, righteous hate of the “no one will ever be my partner and I will die alone with these cats eating my face” vein. The true Valentine’s Day hate is founded in loneliness, emptiness, lack of connection and a cold bed every night of your life. If you aren’t living that dusty-wombed truth, I put to you that you really don’t know what genuine Valentine’s Day hatred is, you are merely fronting on the genital curmudgeonliness that is my daily struggle, and I think you should have to address your Anti-Valentine’s Day sentiment by calling it something else, like “Buy Nothing Romantic Day.”
LET US HAVE OUR DAY OF RAGE, NON-SINGLE PEOPLE. You can hate every other day of the year if you like.
You guys are idiots.
Meet my friend Google. He is of the Internet Googles, where correct spelling can be found and nurtured and made to grow big and strong, if you bother to get your heads out of your fucking asses.